My, oh my, oh my! Yesterday was a doozy! I think I’m cruising along, resting in God, everything is cool and joyous! Then the Lord says, ok, let’s go deeper. And in one day, I feel like I’ve forgotten everything I’ve every known of our Lord. I doubt. I don’t look to Him. I try to fix things on my own. I don’t see that He is sovereign. It all goes down the crapper. I’m ready to give up. I just can’t do it.
In that state of mind, I am down, sad, miserable, angry, hopeless. I want to crawl into a hole, the only problem is that I will be in that hole. I can’t get away from myself. And I certainly can’t hide from God.
In the midst of it, I try to reason with myself. “Amy, you know God is in control. What are you concerned with? You know you can live in God’s rest in this situation.” But, I argue with the truth. I tell it that this situation is different. I’ll rest in other stuff, but this thing, this is “MY” problem. Ugh!
But there is a light, a little light that grows in the midst of my crazy. That little light is “Wait on the Lord.” In the chaos of my mind, something, Someone tells me to wait. Wait and see the goodness of the Lord. I don’t feel any better, but I can wait. I can look to the Lord, because my help, my ONLY help comes from Him. I can wait on Him as the watchman waits on the morning. And the little light grows stronger, it grows with my expectancy. If God is true, and He wants me to rest, I can believe that this situation, along with every other one, is in His more-than-capable hands. I can also believe that my misery yesterday was part of His beautiful, perfect plan for me. The pains of being changed.
My beautiful family, we ARE being changed. God is faithful to do it. It just doesn’t always feel so great, as the sludge is being removed. (understatement)
The Bible tells us that those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength. They will mount up with wings like eagles. They will walk and not be weary. They will run and not faint.
Waiting seems to be a VERY good thing.
I love you all!
My new jam: