I have been so pissy this morning. Frustrated. Surly. Snapping at people. Even the dog is running for cover. “Christ in us, the hope of glory.” So, I hope. I hope for my thoughts to become His thoughts. My heart to be replaced with His heart.
Dare I say that I am glad to see my pissy self today? Because, I sort of am glad. It shows me another layer that needs to be removed so that I can see God clearly. It all needs to go. No more dim mirror. (For now we see through a mirror dimly.)
I want to be like Jacob, wrestling in the desert.
24And Jacob was left alone; and there wrestled a man with him until the breaking of the day. 25And when (the Man) saw that he prevailed not against him, he touched the hollow of (Jacob’s) thigh; and the hollow of Jacob’s thigh was out of joint, as he wrestled with him. 26And (the Man) said, Let me go, for the day breaketh. And (Jacob) said, I will not let thee go, except thou bless me.
I want to be Moses on the mountain.
17And the LORD said unto Moses, I will do this thing also that thou hast spoken: for thou hast found grace in my sight, and I know thee by name. 18And (Moses) said, I beseech thee, shew me thy glory. 19And (God) said, I will make all my goodness pass before thee, and I will proclaim the name of the LORD before thee; and will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will shew mercy on whom I will shew mercy. 20And (God) said, Thou canst not see my face: for there shall no man see me, and live.
No man can see His face and live. That’s the thing. To see the face of God is to bring death to self. So I want it all to go, that I may see Him. I think I need to recognize the things that stand between me and the face of God. So, God makes sure they show up. I face the enemies. I see them. I don’t like them. And I lay myself before the One, the only One, Who can vanquish them. This whole process would be complicated and truly impossible, if not for the One Who has taken it to task. For God, it isn’t even difficult. So in Him alone will I put my trust.
The trouble is getting discouraged when I see these interlopers. These parts of me that are ugly and unfriendly. I get pangs of guilt, shame, self-loathing. But God will have none of that.
12 Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus.
13 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,
14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.
Love to all.
